- People know what car you drive and you will hear this: ‘I waved to you and you never waved back’ at least once a week.
- At least once a week you will wave to someone you know and they will not wave back, you will then say this to them: ‘I waved to you and you never waved back.’
- A quick trip to Tesco is never quick. You’re bound to have gone to school with probably everyone working on the tills and bump into at least one neighbour or family friend, who will make a comment on what you’re buying.
- You hide from people in the supermarkets because you don’t want to make small talk or you’re having a really bad hair day.
- There is a good chance a lot of people are actually your second cousin or some way distantly related, so be careful who you go out with.
- You brag about successful people who grew up near your home town: ‘I’m not saying I’m friends with Calvin Harris or anything but he definitely did serve me and my nana once when he worked at Marks and Spencers.’
- People will know who you are, where you live, where you work and what you ate for lunch last Thursday – but you will never have seen them before in your life, it will later turn out they also a distant relative and probably have some connection to Calvin Harris too.
- You will probably not actually know the name of many streets in your town, you will know them as the street so-and-so lives on and actually be quite useless at giving constructive directions: ‘Take a right at the Smith’s house and that should take you on to the street that the butcher lives on, if you see the hairdresser’s you’ve gone too far.’
- Old ladies will have conversations with you and the entire time be confusing you for your sibling, you will say nothing, manners are too important in small towns.
- You will have a local and be very loyal to that local.
- Your local barmaid/man will know what you like to drink, if you ask for another drink they will struggle with this concept.
- You will also be on friendly terms, possibly first name terms, with the local takeaways and the staff who work there, this will sometimes result in free cans of juice.
- You get excited when people know where your town is.
- Every once and a while you will see a person who have never seen in your entire life and struggle to come to terms with the fact they have actually lived there their entire lives too: ‘Why have I never seen you before?’
- Galas are very important.
- You say hello to people you walk past on the street, even if you’ve never seen them before in your life, it’s just small town manners.Inner monologue: ‘There’s someone coming, we’re both walking the same way, should I say hello? Yes I must, I can’t just look at my feet, I mean we’re sharing the same piece of pavement, that makes us practically second cousins doesn’t it?’“Hello”“Hi”
- You will know people with nicknames for years and still never be sure what their actual name is: ‘Who is John Hewitson and why has he invited me to his wedding?’
- Lastly, just remember…every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, someone will be watching you…
