- The ability to recognise people
Sandra has 113 likes on her latest picture on Facebook entitled ‘Just got the Chop’ showcasing her haircut.
The picture actually cuts off her forehead above the eyebrows and her left eye and instead zooms in on one side of her face and her chest. It has also been run through a filter and maybe an app to even skin tone.
You have no idea what Sandra’s new hair, forehead or left side of face looks like and therefore would not recognise her if you sat next to her on a bus.
- Relationships
Bob and Janet have gone on four holidays this year, they have matching onesies and he likes to surprise her by running her bubble baths, buying her champagne and tossing rose petals on the bed.
But Bob and Janet (Bobet) haven’t put any pictures on Instagram lately – does this mean they’ve split up?
No it probably means they’re too busy enjoying each others company to plaster it all over Facebook, Twitter and Insta but people will probably assume the worst.
- Birthdays
It’s your birthday and 110 people wished you a Facebook ‘Happy Birthday’- that’s good, right?
Actually you feel a Dudley Dursley circa Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone moment coming on, ‘but last year last year’ 112 people wished me happy birthday.
It doesn’t matter that you haven’t actually spoken to your French penpal since 2011, you still feel jilted when they don’t wish you a Facebook happy birthday.
- Self perception
Your face, you think you know it pretty well?
You see it every day in the mirror from the same angle and you think you know better than anyone what you look like.
Then BAM you see yourself in a ‘tagged photo.
You didn’t realise you had more than one chin from certain angles or that one eyebrow looks nicer than the other.
- Photography
You own a camera phone and have access to some pretty nifty apps.
This can only mean one thing…you and everyone else you know are now a bona fide professional photographer.
Congratulations!
- Acquaintances
Acquaintances used to be people you would say hello to in Tesco and maybe be able to reel off a few general facts about.
So and so works at the opticians and drives a blue Micra, their auntie was on the X Factor in 2009.
These days acquaintances are called ‘Facebook friends’and chances are you would walk past them on the street (because they look nothing like their profile picture)but you still like their latest holiday snaps on Instagram and know what they had for breakfast last Tuesday.
- Guest lists
Planning a party just became a whole lot harder.
Think of all those people who sent you Facebook invites to their 18ths, 21st, 40ths, engagements parties or house warmings. Is it rude not to invite them back?
The danger of accidentally excluding the wrong people really hits home when you see a list of 800+ friends staring you in the face.
And if you’re planning on sending out real invites prepare to realise you know the home addresses of permissively none of your friends. Why would you when they’re just a Facebook message away?
- Nights out
You and a friend decide to head out for an impromptu night.
What can possibly go wrong?
For starters all your other friends have seen your snapchats and filtered pictures and are wondering where their invite was? Oooops…
- Sick days
Janice phoned in sick this morning but everyone in the office knows she was out last night drinking – it’s all over Instagram and Facebook.
Cue everyone in the office slagging Janice off.
Social media has certain altered many aspects of day-to-day life but for better or for worse it’s here to stay.
After all, can we really hate something that not only provides a free way to share our news, keep in touch with our loved ones (and people we met once in 2010), promote businesses for free and introduced us to the wonderful world of memes?
Despite our grumbles lets face it – we all take our hats off to you social media and secretly love it when our pictures/updates/statuses get loads of likes!
