Alan Kennedy was only 19 when he was sent to help on December 21 1988 after Pan Am Flight 103 exploded over the town, killing 270 people.
He had been in the Royal Scots regiment for just over two years, previously serving in Northern Ireland, which he described as ‘terrifying’.
But it was his experience at Lockerbie that scarred him and still affects him to this day.
Alan, from Paisley, said he knew instantly that his life had changed due to what he saw in Annandale that night and he could no longer continue in the army, resulting in his discharge having served just under three years.
He said: “I was no longer any use as a soldier, I was a mess. As soon as I had the opportunity to leave the army I seized it, I had never been the same, I knew that, and I knew the people around me knew it.
“I had bad nights of nightmares when I was back in Lockerbie again, and always approaching the anniversary is worse. I have tried to go back on several occasions to see if I can get some closure but a mile or so outside the town I always turn back.”
Eventually, in March 2016, he had a massive breakdown and became a recluse for two years. In 2020 he was finally diagnosed with PTSD, 32 years after the disaster.
Now 53, he is rebuilding himself and his life with the help of veterans’ charity Erskine.
He started to attend their activity centre in Bishopton, has taken part in their ‘Build Your Own Bike Challenge’ and recently qualified as an archery instructor.
He said: “Joining Erskine was a complete live saver for me. It gave me a purpose in my life. I have discovered a passion for archery – it is my happy place.
“It cannot be understated how much of an impact Erskine has had on my life. I thought my life was over before I found Erskine, now I realise it is only just beginning.”
Approaching the 34th anniversary of the Pan Am bombing, Alan has been picked to front the charity’s new campaign for Remembrance Day.
And he hopes one day to revisit the town, saying: “Maybe next year I will get to Lockerbie and find that little bit of closure now that I am on the right path again.”
Commenting, Erskine chief executive, Wing Commander Ian Cumming said: “When people think of our nation’s veterans, their minds will instantly go to the horrors of war and experiences faced away from our shores. But trauma takes place in many forms, and also in many places. Alan Kennedy’s story is one that will resonate with many in the Forces.
“In Alan’s particular case, the disaster he faced at Lockerbie bore horrors that many will never fully appreciate or understand. Sent to simply help, he was faced with a scene resembling a warzone in his own country. No one signed up for that.”
n To donate to the Erskine 2022 Remembrance campaign, go to erskine.org.uk/futures-for-the-brave
